Matters of Life in Death

Death affects each living person in a different way. Some people look forward, others look back. Some get stuck in limbo, wondering how the rest of the world can move on when there has been such a great loss. Some people give up, some people give in. Some people talk it out, others mull it over.

I have never been incredibly shocked by death, even when I have lost someone unexpectedly. The first death I ever experience, I was about 2. The first one I remember, I was about 3. It is hard for me to understand why some shelter children from death. Throughout my childhood, many people died. grandmothers, uncles, aunts...all relatives that I was very close to. It is difficult for me to even call these people relatives because my love for them was and continues to be so great. I don't make this claim to say that I had a dark childhood, because I had a very happy and loving childhood. I am happy that I was introduced to death at a young age and taught that it is a part of life, literally. I had a fundamental understanding of how to cope in a way that worked for me, with loving people around me. Death is one of those things that I have always been able to talk about with my family. Not necessarily everyone, but I know that during those times, my family is my support system.

A college friend is experiencing her first encounter with death, three friends died in a car crash. They weren't drunk, they were just coming back from sushi. The loss has hit deeply, and she began to question life in ways that I may have years ago. I never considered that there are people out there who are not as comfortable with death and loss as I am. She questioned the "point" of life, if everything just falls to pieces in the end. She's battling with the idea of justice in life, because her friends were 20, 20, and 17. One was a father, one was in a rigorous and unique program and about to graduate high school, one was a hard working son. Losses like these are not fair, but the reason we care about them is because life matters.

The grief and hurt when losing someone is a blessing. It reminds us that life is precious because we make it so, because it matters. If there was a time that we could no longer feel these real, yet painful, emotions...that would be the day I would ask the heavens, "What's the point?"

I think my own relationship with loss and grief was a blessing, because I accepted losing my father at 15 one year before it happened. I understood that my father wouldn't live forever, and probably not even to see me graduate high school, when I was in eighth grade. Yes, it's difficult to come to such a realization at such a young age. But, it made me a stronger person and it allowed me to dedicate the time I had with my father, to him. And it allowed me to move on, after him.