Poetry May Have Saved Me

I wrote off poetry when I was 17, because I just didn't get it anymore. Figurative meanings confused me. Every time I tried to get in depth, I was told that I was "reaching." I consoled myself with fiction and singing.

My minor is English, and I put off the required "Introduction to Poetry" requirement for two years. I had to sign up for it for Fall quarter because I could not get into any other classes that I needed. Honestly, every time I thought about this class during the summer, a little bit of nausea would pulse.

Who would have thought that this class may have been the best thing for me after my hectic summer? It took three months being 3000 miles away from everyone and everything that I had every known to remind me of the beauty of love.

There was a time when I never wanted to love again. Actually, it more so that I thought I wouldn't be able to allow anyone to love me. I didn't fall in love with any man when I went away. Instead, I worked and worked and worked and I came home to an empty apartment most days. I had cordial relations with my three roommates, I would occasionally go out to dinner and lunch with new friends, but for the most part I was alone. It took understanding loneliness to open myself back to love. Understanding loneliness changed my whole outlook in that, I realized that I had a choice in every situation. And after this epiphany, I work to make the healthier choice for my quality of life.

I breathe when I get cut off six times as I rush to work, and remind myself that there are many other things that will go on in my day and this is minor. Thank God I am safe, now move on.

I breathe when people don't listen. I work to speak in a lighter tone, because my bad second could lead to this other person's bad week all because of how I say something.

I breathe. And it's hard to breathe. And it's hard to love. And it was hard to realize. And I don't know how to explain how so many difficult things have led to an easier today, but they have. And I welcome it all.

I came home and I was a more sensitive person. It made feel whole.

My poetry class has resulted in A papers with comments like "sensitive analysis" and "interesting insight!" all over. Poetry has helped me embrace the new part of myself while simultaneously challenging me. So maybe it's timing or luck or karma, but I'll throw it all to the wind because the day I realized I was ready to be loved again was the happiest day. Poetry, you may have saved me.